Bossy, to say the least

on

D. Pettway :: I wouldn’t mind a dude that could take my attitude, and take the time to listen..someone that understands when i need a little space and when i need attention…..so when I find you…’ima lock you down'”

This was my cousins status this morning when I logged onto Facebook and she couldn’t have hit the nail with the hammer any harder! This is probably exactly how I feel, coming out of her mouth!

{sidenote}Now, I had already typed up a whole entire post regarding my attitude, being bossy and blah blah blah and for some wonderful reason when I hit preview WordPress decided to take me to a whole new post without saving the draft. So, now I’m a bit pissed trying to remember exactly what I said when and where. Sorry if this post is all over the place.

But, it’s like she was speaking for me. When people ask me to describe myself I’m honest. Some might say I’m to honest, but is there such a thing? I’m a firm believer in:

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
Maya Angelou

So, I’m pretty up front and honest. My typical answer is “I’m a spoiled rotten brat. I almost always get my way. And, if I don’t, I make you just as miserable as you have no made me for not letting me have my way. I’m hard-working, a fast learner, nosey, gets along with many and most, can be quiet lazy at times and quite compassionate. I get attitudes for the slightest little thing and I am controlling.” Now, would you date me? I wouldn’t! If someone told me, “Camille, you have to tolerate someone JUST like you.” I wouldn’t be able to do it! That’s why I’m lost about Ja’Rel. How can this man tolerate me and deal with me on a DAILY basis and see ALL of the above and still be able to say I love you and I want to be with you? I’ve come to the conclusion that he either has to be just plan crazy or what he says HAS to be true LOL. Now, I like to look of definitions of things so google and Wikipedia are some of my favorite sites for that. Any who, Wikipedia had this to say about spoiled children as adults:

“As adults, spoiled children may experience problems with anger management, professionalism, and personal relationships.”

Yet again if this couldn’t be more accurate! Now personally talking about myself, this is ME all the way!! Which is so not a good thing. I most definitely have anger management issues. I’ve had them my entire life! I took anger management for about a year and I believe it has done absolutely nothing for me. I’d prefer meds any day! Now, I dont’ agree that it affects my professionalism. It has been times at work when I’ve been pushed to my ultimate limit, BUT I recognize that I’m at work so I stop and I calm down. Or, at least try to calm down. But, I’ve never had  a complete blow up moment at work. In regards to the personal relationships hmm this is interesting because this is the 1st relationship where I’ve been so bossy and controlling! Now, I don’t know if it has to do with the age difference or what. But, I do know I don’t like it. I actually get tired of getting several small attitudes throughout the day. It’s annoying even to me. I get tired of my mood going up and down, it’s annoying YES EVEN TO ME! My psychiatrist said I’m Bi-Polar, but honestly I don’t believe in all these “diseases” they have now. OK, I believe in them to an extent. I’m quite sure if I wanted to control my mood swings I could. I quite sure there are a million different methods I could use other than meds to control them. Like ADD, put something I’m seriously interested in and I bet you I can focus with minimal distractions! I think it’s all in your head. I know what I can and can’t get away with so I use that to my advantage. Its been like that since I was a child.

But, these attitudes toward Ja’Rel has to stop! I have to try to stop and remember he is still young. He still has to learn to stop and think things through. He still hasn’t had a lot of life experiences so he’s fresh on his feet. He’s probably use to girls that are indecisive and don’t say what they mean or mean what they say. He has to learn that I AM NOT that type. I don’t mean to be controlling, but when I tell him EXACTLY what it is that I want or need or etc. and he doesn’t do it or does it and extra it’s like why? I didn’t ask for A, B, C and D… I only asked for A, B and C. He just has a lot to learn about me and my inner workings. And, I have to stop and realize his rationalizing of things is a bit different them mine and he’s still learning but it’s hard!

Now don’t get me wrong, I Love this man. I Love how helpful he is to me and my kids. I Love how he does go above and beyond when not asked, though it’s annoying sometimes. I Love that he knows he has to provide and not just take. I Love that he tolerates me and my antics. I Love that he Loves me just as much as I Love him. But, is Love ever enough? I guess only time will tell…

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