At this moment…

I find myself a bit unsure of things… I’m single, yet again, but I find some contempt in this. I like being able to do what I want when I want. But, I also like the familiar. I like going to bed with someone who I have an emotional connection too.And, I’m not only referring to sex I’m really referring to going to bed. LOL. So, let me see all that’s going on in the life of Cam. Hmmm, I got a house YIPPY but sometimes it doesn’t seem real. It doesn’t feel like this is mine yet and I kinda know why. Things are REALLY good for me right now but I don’t know how to handle it at all. I’m one of those people who are afraid of success I guess. Let’s see I failed my 1st 2 classes and I’m not proud of that at all. So much was going on and I didn’t make the time to sit still and do school work. It’s actually kinda hard trying to find some balance. With the kids, and STILL unpacking, the situation with Rel (we’ll get to that), working (major stress) and then throw in school. Ugh it’s just too much for me. Well it feels like to much sometimes. Anywho, the Rel situation. So, we knew before we left for Atlanta that we were getting keys to the house we were moving into on the following Monday. I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want to jinx things. Well Rel has shown me time and time and time again that he cannot be responsible for himself or conduct as an adult. Even with knowing this I told him what I “Expected” (Expectations… hmm another post for another day) of him. I told him I EXPECTED him to be a MAN of the house, and contribute his 50%. Not because I need to the help, ha his lil bit of chump change could do nothing for me. No, because he is supposed to be the man the other adult in the house. And, that is what responsible adults do. They take care of themselves. Well he couldn’t come up with his half of the security deposit or his half of first month rent or his half of anything else for that moment. So, I told him before we moved in officially that he had 30 days from our official move in date to move out. Why? Because I didn’t feel comfortable with having a suppose to be grown ass men living up under my roof not doing ish to keep me and mine up under this roof or even to help himself. He winded up coming up with $400 to give me as his “share” and that’s not even half of the 1st month rent and security deposit. I felt bad taking all he had knowing he still needed to get back and forth thru out the week (he was driving my truck), and still had to eat while at work, etc. So, I only took $200 of that $400 and told him spend it wisely cuz he was only going to have that to rely on until his next paycheck since I’m not giving him anymore spending money. What do we both work for?? Anywho, later that week I discover what he did with his money, bought a fucking video game! I was pissed!! So, I told him he had to go. Which later down the line turned into him telling me that he wasn’t leaving he’s staying blah blah blah. I laughed and was pissed all at the same time. But, long story short he’s gone but his crap is still here ugh. Hopefully, that’ll be taken care of tonite… I’m just tired. I want a vacation. I NEED a clone… I need structure, and a schedule.. And, I NEED to stick to it… This is undone but my head is starting to hurt and I have other ish to do… Toodles.


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