I fucked up

He read my blog… He NEVER reads my blog. Something in me wanted him to read it but something even stronger in me didn’t. So, why did I let him? I let that little devil out talk that little angel… And, he was fine until he read that damn conversations post… He asked which don’t you want me to read and I thought  tell him anything other than the truth. But, immediately my next thought was, no we’re not playing this game. So, I told him the truth. And, he reads it. I’m not mad completely that he read it. I’m mad because I think I know his thought process and his feelings after reading it. He’s my F’n twin for goodness sakes! I know what my thought process and feelings would’ve been after reading it and though his reaction was nothing compared to how I would’ve reacted, I still THINK I know him… He put’s me in the category I know he does and it’s like ever so often he might think of taking me out of this category and putting me in another but then I fuck up some kind of way. It’s like we’re going to be right back at a square one so to say. Do I love him: yes. Do I want to be honest with him: yes. Do I want to hurt him: NO. But, if my being honest is going to hurt him then what do I do…? I don’t want to go back to the old me and not post exactly what I’m thinking, or feeling or even going through. For all that I can completely delete my blog. I love being honest with myself and my readers, but at whose expense?

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. one can argue that it can go both ways

    1. Camille says:

      we share the same thought there…..

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