Loosen your grip

You come into the world with nothing and you leave with just that. That’s what some folks say and even believe. But, even as I write it, I don’t believe it whole heartedly. I think the second you enter the world that theory is shot to hell. Ok, keep up with me and tell me if this makes sense. When you die you can’t take anything with you. And, yeah sure you can leave things behind. But, I once read:

“The most important things in this world are not things.”

And, I truly believe that. The important things are the laughter, the tears, the smiles, the memories and all the other good & bad things that come with this life; Are what you leave behind. Memories for people to share. That saying of you’ll always live on is true in that sense. We all need to remember that technically no you can’t take things with you when you leave. But, we need to stop being so hard on ourselves. Actually, I can’t speak for everyone, I can only speak for myself. So, I need to stop being so hard on myself. I need to realize that I don’t have magic powers. I don’t control everything. And, I can’t. I can’t make people do what I want. and, I need to let go and realize that. I can only make me do what I want to do. And, only hope that everyone else does what I want or expect of them. There’s that word “expect”. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before but I have my own personal theory on expect and it is:

“Don’t expect or have expectations. If you do you’re putting your happiness in someone else’s hands. And, then you can only be mad at yourself when they don’t meet your expectations.”

Yet again Mike is the reason for this. We have no titles and no real claims because he doesn’t want them. and, if “HE” did we’d have them. I have to not only “loosen my grip” on him but on all aspects of my life. I need to do what makes me happy and what feels right. Putting certain aspects of my life on hold isn’t what makes me happy. I like the quiet my life has right now. I like the calm and the peace. But, I don’t want to be hurt. And, I’m afraid that putting my all into him and “expecting” him to do the same is going to hurt me when he doesn’t… I’ve been focusing on all the wrongs. And, with this new year I’ll be focusing on making myself happy and better. I see myself making the same mistakes already with Mike that I’ve made in the past with others. I don’t want to be that controlling, over bearing, dependant, insecure person. Why do I always jump to that? The key to changing is doing things differently. That’s so easier said then done… I’m loosening my grip on everyone and everything starting today. Not in the new year. Why wait?

written 12/16/10


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