This blog is something I’ve been afraid to actually speak on. Papi Dinero… LOL it’s funny how he got that name. He calls me MCM, well he called me MCM. It stood for My Cuban Mami. We had code names which is quite funny now that I think about it. See, Papi has this pull on me and I don’t know why or how. Ever so often I find someone who has an unexplainable pull on me. And, the more I try to fight this pull the more it draws me into them… I feel weird posting about him because I’m with Mike now. But, he’s off to Iraq and I’m not talking about him as if we’re talking or no ish like that but any who. I miss the ish out of him. I use to go to him with any and all questions. About men, kids, life, etc. I would call it “Foster Wisdom”. Because, he would give me the unbiased advice that I needed. Whether it was something I needed to hear or didn’t want to hear but I knew. It didn’t matter. I don’t want to say somewhere along the line I fell in Love with him. But, somewhere along the line I did begin to Love him. We had nothing unusual I don’t think… We didn’t have a “relationship” . We were never together or anything like that. We’ve been sleeping together off and on since November 08. And, I don’t think I can really say off and on because we were mostly ON. LOL. He had one girlfriend thru that timeframe and I had umm Marc, Rel, Derek WOW and even Mike but before we got so serious. And, neither one of us had been faithful while dealing with each other. He tried and so did I but to try is to fail… I made it my business to see him before he left for Iraq… I made it my business to speak my true mind about him and I before he left for Iraq… I don’t know. I always feel like I missed an oppurtunity with him one to many times or something. And, in all actuality he never presented any and neither did I. Did I want to pursue something with him, something more than our bedroom only relationship? Yes… But, I was too afraid to say this. I got tired of being his little secret because he wasn’t mine… Did I deal with crap I probably shouldn’t have even put up with? Absolutely… and for what? Hard dick and bubble gum? Somethings wrong with me… Especially when it comes to men but I’m learning… I think… Sorry this post is so scattered about. My thoughts weren’t premeditated. I just started typing. I miss our conversations. I miss our drinking nites. I miss how he would hold me the way I like until I fell asleep. I miss the openness of our relationship. I miss my Foster wisdom. I miss the look he would give after making his point. (Though Mike is GREAT at what he does) I miss the sex. I miss Papi… I miss him….