It’s time for me to fall back from the world. I do this ever so often and I know it annoys everyone but I don’t do it to get under anyone’s skin. I do it because I need to just refocus, realign and recharge.
My current distraction has been my distraction for almost a month now and I’ve let this carry on far enough. Time to settle things back down and get back to business. I realized I’m turning him into my distraction intentionally because I really don’t want to face the issues that I need to deal with. This is REALLY a bad habit of mine. But, my lonely days and nights aren’t so lonely with him around.
My distraction has nothing to do with love or a relationship or anything. He’s literally just company and things are exactly how and where they should be for 2 people just being 2 people… Truth be told he’s missing some serious traits that I’ve decided to make priority for everyone else but some how he gets a pass. Maybe because he was just so readily available and willing to be what he is to me.
I wake up and he’s on my mind, I go to bed and he’s on my mind, throughout my day I wonder what he’s doing. This so isn’t love and it so isn’t lust, and I don’t really have a clue what this is but this is good. There’s no jealousy, no stress, no worry, just 2 people spending free time together. Problem is I’m spending any and all free time with him just to keep me from doing something stupid or worse, what I should be doing. There’s nothing stupid we could do or say right now. Actually, if someone decided they wanted more right now, that would probably be the end of us because I don’t have a relationship left in me to give to anyone. It’s not just sex, it really isn’t. It’s REALLY just great company, which is something I’ve been looking for and he happened to just fall in my lap.
Crazy thing is, here it is we have absolutely nothing “relationship” wise, yet I’m completely content with being 100% honest with this man and not seeing anyone else. Why is it that I can commit to someone who doesn’t require it but when it’s a “rule” to stay faithful, I can’t… Maybe that’s a blog for another day!
All in all, it’s time to get back to business. Vacation mode over and Cam is officially back on her grind. No more days off…
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