My stomach is my intuition. It tells me EVERYTHING I ever need to know about myself, about situations, about people. I mean it tells me everything but I ignore it, hoping it’s wrong but it never ever is.
This post started to be about my intuition and how I ignore when I know I shouldn’t. Currently my intuition is literally yelling at me to stop procrastinating and start doing what I’m supposed to be doing. What should I be doing? Packing! I should be looking for a new place for me and my babies. I should be studying and practicing so I don’t lose any of my skills before I transition from the office to the floor. It’s telling me fall back from my distraction but the funny thing is, it’s not yelling it at me. It’s just telling to focus on me right now and if he’s worth anything he’ll be around and he’ll understand. So, right now I’m going to listen to my stomach. I’m going to finish up this blog, I’m going to wrap up my work early and I’m going to do some things that I should have been working on a while ago. But, while I have this on my mind, I’m going to give ya’ll two random rants in one blog! How about that!
This is actually something I started some time ago when I was just venting and literally only had my phone as a means to log my thoughts. Truth be told I’m horrible in relationships. I am quite possibly the worst person to probably date at times. I’m mean, I’m an asshole, I’m controlling and I’m rather crazy. And, I don’t mean the play crazy like no, I fade to black like it’s nothing; but I’m not proud of that, so don’t get it twisted. I have some really great traits and qualities too, I can’t lie. Don’t get me wrong, just like everyone else I have my issues and I have my faults but I’m quite the catch if I do say so myself. What I need people to realize is, I’m just waiting for one person to show me that I don’t have to carry this load alone. I’m waiting for one person to show me that I don’t have to keep these walls up. I’m waiting for one person that knows when I push them to pull me. I’m waiting for one person to show me the right way. I’m waiting for one person to stop me and go no, you’ve had it wrong all along, this is love. I’m waiting for one person to show me they can match my ambition. I’m waiting for one person to let me truly see what trust, honesty and understanding is. I’m waiting for one person to remind me that it’s fine to stumble and fall, as long as you get back up. I’m waiting for one person to prove they’re here for the long run. I’m waiting for one person to show me that I don’t have to be like this anymore… Just so I can move on and let this go and just not be this person anymore. But, that one person has not existed in my life yet and that’s all I’m waiting for. Until then, I’ll continue to be all of the above to myself…
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