Financially and materially, I don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. The scariest part about it all is, I’m really not afraid. For once there’s an inner calm in me.
Some people in my life (and some now out) know the full extent of what I’m dealing with. Others know bare minimal. I’m at a point where I don’t want family and friends to worry. I’m not worried.
I pray daily. Sometimes several times a day. I read my bible and go to church when I can; and that’s something I’m working on becoming more dedicated to doing.
I have the makings of a plan. I’m learning to trust that it means nothing in comparison to God’s plan. Everything is in Divine Order is a mantra for me at this point. That’s where my calm comes from.
I hope that I’m not only looking at my life with a new set of eyes. I pray that I’m able to apply everything I’m learning from these trials and tribulations.
In the last 3 days I’ve learned that a plan means nothing without the opportunities that present themselves. I’m not forcing anything anymore. I’m preparing for what I need and patiently taking the steps to get there.
During these next few months, I’m going to learn to love a bit more and appreciate a bit more. I don’t know when the next time will be, when I can spend meaningful time with some of my closest family and friends. I’m going to cherish these days.
You can say I’ve hit rock bottom.
I will say no, I’ve come to a new chapter. I’ve come to a fresh start. I can do whatever I want now. And, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.